If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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