3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
