yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
