I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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