guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I party with great urgency now.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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