he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
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