Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
