Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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