ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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