The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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