finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
