I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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