I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
