hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
