Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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