Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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