that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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