What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
