matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
