Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
sarcasm needs its own font
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
