Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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