my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
