she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
