Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
