It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
