i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
