Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
