Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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