Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
