Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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