We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
