ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
