Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
