Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
