I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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