i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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