Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
