it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
