Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
