he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
