sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish i was in the wii world.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
