just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
