I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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