my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Randomize
