did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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