Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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