The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just want to make out with him forever
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
