remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
