is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
