so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
