I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
