I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
