i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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