I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
